am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My life is pants optional.
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