I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
