Jerry, you need to find god
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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