Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
