Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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