He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
