first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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