i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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