kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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