he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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