i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
