so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Acid is not a monday night drug
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
