I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
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Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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