I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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