I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
