We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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