Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
