shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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