i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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