I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Small penises have feelings too.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
