You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize