I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize