I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
