This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
