Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
