wakey wakey hands off snakey
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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