It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
