The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
