Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Shitshow foam night was such a success
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
