I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize