how can u be prego again
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
not ubering you a puppy
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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