You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
