i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
