New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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