Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
