The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
