my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
