Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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