i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
