seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
