I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
