The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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