i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
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I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
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he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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