I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
