i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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