It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
now i know why i became what i already was.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
