where am i from again
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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