I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
