You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
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It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
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You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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