i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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