Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
