Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
