i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
