woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
