Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
