So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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