WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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