she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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