I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
