I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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