im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
50% drunk capacity currently
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
