He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
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I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
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He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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