I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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