i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
