I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
