Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
