I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
