So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
