she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
FUCK WHALES
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
