every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
