hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
