You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
home. puking in laundry basket.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
