D3 body, D1 cock
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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