I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
